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HairThief's Palace of ImaginationThe true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination July 25 Birthday cheers!Happy Birthday HairThief!
Ok, so wishing myself a happy birthday may seem a little sad, however this is no the case. I'm a happy little chappy (which is sad in itself). I'm sorely tempted to do a monologue on "getting old" but I suspec that can be found in numerous places all over the web. Young people read them and think "You boring old sod"; old people read them and think "Oh yes, I know what you mean" in a serious somber tone.
Therefore, I shall simply concentrate on the trivial aspects of my celebration of my creation. I've recieved a few emails from forums that I have joined over the years, this stuck me as ever so cute when I first saw them but then it stuck me that's it a few lines of code that is triggered automatically. A computer somewhere out there remembered it was my birthday.
I've received a few birthday cards as expected but I'm always curious as to the eventual destination of birthday/christmas cards. I can't imagine many people actually keep birthday cards, maybe for a week or so but eventually they get binned. They can't be recycled or ,at least, you'd have to be incredibly cheap to make friends with the same name as yours so you can pass on a card. Although, 2 blokes call Steve could just send each other the same card year after year in a constant rotation, that would save time. Email cards just seem like a pathetic and last minute alternative to the hard copy, the only decent ones come from the subscription services and I'm frankly not that organised to pay an annual fee for sending something that I know I should have posted.
Hmmm, this has turned into a birthday ramble, but that doesn't matter, I'm getting old now so I'm allowed to ramble. Actually, I'm only saying that, I don't really feel any different, it's just another day. It would be more of an event if I woke up this morning with head of grey hair or I had a sudden urge to garden but this is not the case.
As for my plans for my day - family, friends and presents. I see no need for anymore. I'll be smiling all day and that is just grand. I am having a few friends to stay at the weekend and so the celebrating will continue into early next week.
I hope that anyone that reads this is well, is happy and has a fantastic day. July 25th should be a joyous day for everyone.
HairThief the smiley. June 03 Back from the Metropolis
Well, I didn't get kidnapped by irate pigeons or offered a leading role in the next big blockbuster "The Missing Sock Mystery". Although the latter could be an expose of the dark underworld of the black market footwear industry and their attempts to prolong their dominance over society. Socks, after all, are not the hardiest of clothing and there is this dependance to always have the pair, but are they tied together? no, it's just asking for one to be separted from the other. Holes too, you put a sock on and it goes into your shoe/slipper/flip flop/wellington boot, What makes the holes?? is there a new breed of shoe moth that I've not heard about? Are they designed to self-destruct after a certain level of ponginess? The humble sock really does suffer from a lack of progression, we are in the technological age, surely those sock boffins could come up with a sock that could say "Ooooo whiffy!" when your odour eater ran out or are they keeping this a big secret from me? Although, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, rtags could be introduced into all sorts of things which electronically label your socks. Then, if you find your sock is missing it's brother, you just use a little gadget like something off star trek and hunt it down (probably with the machine going 'beep beep' lots of times). This, however, will cause arguements when you discover the garment is attached to your biker neighbour's ankle, I knew it wasn't just 'a co-incidence' we had the same fasion sense in socks alone.
Hmmmm this was going to be a blog about New York but I appear to have wandered lonely as a rhino. Unfortunately, I need breakfast so the rest will have to wait.
April 18 New York - The Big AppleI really need to find out why it's called the Big Apple, was it a fruit naming convention that never caught on, was Los Angles meant to be The Big Banana? Chicago The Big Peach? Miami The Big Kiwi? I'm sure it's an obvious explaination and I'll discover it after I've written this blog.
Anyway, I'm off to New York on Thursday for a short break/shopping trip. Hurrah for me. I've been told of many places that I've "just got to see" and as a result I've got a list as long as my arm (luckily I've got short arms). I shall write a proper holiday review when I return but for now, I wish myself a happy holiday and hope you all enjoy the next few days while I'm in the land of the brave and home of the free.
I'll be back in a week
Have a nice day! April 07 HairThief wanders in from the coldThe shame I feel now cannot be measured. I have abandoned you all yet again. How many times will I be able to vanish from the net and return without get tomatos hurled in my face.
My humblest apologies for the lack of HairThief contact. The RDA of HairThief is 2.5g and you've had to suffer with an insignificant amount of 0.02g, I'm surprised you've not turned yellow. If you have turned yellow, then run to your nearest doctor and demand to be posted to my address for an immediate overdose.
Is that enough boosting my self opinion? Should I bang on about how lovely I am some more? No, I think that's plenty.
Well, how are you? Have you had a good day? Met anyone interesting on your travels today? Have you got any plans for tomorrow? Do you need to eat more fruit? Are bunsen burners used anywhere other than school chemistry labs? Can cats be trained to make tea? Which looks cooler, bananas or kiwis?
What has life been doing for me lately. Well, I bought a new computer game, not bought one in ages so I thought I'd treat myself. It's a crime detection thingy, CSI, it's amazingly easy, just click your mouse on the screen and it says "well done, you've found a foot print". As long as you click everything on the screen, you find all the clues and put the story together "Well done, you've found a bullet hole" "Well done, you've found the killer". Since there is no skill involved, it's more like a talking book, it just reads a crime story to me.
At work, I've become Jack Of All Trades (my manager insists I'll be Master Of All Trades soon too) so I'm doing tons of work that I've never touched before. All very complex and I'm guessing everything but they seem to think I'm doing well, I've just got a pay rise, hurrah for me! Although I will draw the line if I get told "the toilets are a bit smelly, here's a mop and bucket".
I'll write a proper blog tomorrow, but Bri, I offer this blog to you for your diligence and support through these difficult times. February 06 The Universe! A bold topic, I'm sure you'll agree. As a great author once said "Space is big, really big, You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is..."
I read an article today on the BBC site (here) that made me realise that science is investigation concepts that are just far beyond my understanding. I 'get' the idea of atoms, particles and even sub atomic particles. I've heard of string theory and black holes sorta make sense. However, I begin to lose it when I read about 'dark matter'. For a start, it just sounds like it was named by Star Trek or Independence Day, surely no proper scientist would name something so vague as dark matter. Shouldn't it be called "ProtoPlasmatic UniMagentic OmniParticles" or something. Then we get the explaination for us average joes "Dark matter is everywhere but we can't see and we don't know it's there" or something equally confusing. Apparently 80-85% of the universe is dark matter, well if that's the case, I want to see some of it in a testtube or for sale in Argos "Dark Matter - 2 for 1". The BBC site has entire paragraphs that just seem to be a collection of words, eg
"It looks like you cannot ever pack it smaller than about 300 parsecs - 1,000 light-years; this stuff will not let you. That tells you a speed actually - about 9km/s - at which the dark matter particles are moving because they are moving too fast to be compressed into a smaller scale."
I've not got an image of someone in a factory, busily trying to pack some more dark matter into a cardboard box before it goes out for marketing. Plus, how does packing it smaller give you the speed??? If you put me in a box, my speed is quite low. We also now know that dark matter is about 10,000 degree, well, hurrah!! We all know where to go on those cold winter nights (but oh bugger, we don't know where it is, the cruel irony).
I know I'm being deliberately difficult and I'm sure it does make perfect sense but it just sounds silly. I keep wanting to look under the cushions and discover some Dark Matter and brag about it down the pub "Idiot scientists - it was on my sofa all the time".
The point at which I laughed out loud in that article though was the idea they scientists know the 'weight' of the universe! Again, I know there is probably a sound logical explaination but I can't help the image of some bloke in a white lab coat trying to balance the universe on a pair of wieghing scales. Then the universe says "it's not fair, I've just eaten, that's not a true reading" while throwing a couple of planets behind a plant pot to lighten the load a little more.
Finally, while I'm on this topic, those clever scientists have also discovered the question that's been puzzling up all: what colour is the universe???? Well, I know you want to know, apparently, it's beige. The universe is beige! That fact just amazes me in a couple of ways: 1. how did they even begin to prove this??? and 2. What good does this do me in any way?? I suppose it means the ultimate fashion victim will know what colour to steer clear of, you wouldn't want to clash with the universe. The acticle is here if you want proof.
PS Hello to ToTo cos I promised him a mention but I couldn't figure out a way to subtly get him into this blog! Except "he's as great as the universe" but I'm sure even he'd agree that would be stretching it a little. I wonder if he's beige? February 02 The Return of the ThiefHello! Please don't be alarmed, this is a new blog entry, you're not dreaming. At least, I don't think you're dreaming. If you are dreaming of my MSN Space then I'm pleased to feature so prominantly in your noctural thoughts although I would recommend you get out a bit more.
 ****skip this paragraph if you expect this blog to make sense***** Whilst on the subject of dreams, I wish to convey the strange incident of February the 1st. It was a cold morning in the house of Thief, the icey winds blew against the window like icey winds have a tendancy to do. HairThief awoke from his sleep with a slight jump and glanced at the clock (I now have a clock that projects the time in bright red digits on the ceiling, I can never pretend to sleep in). The numbers above my head proclaimed that it was 5.03am. Suddenly, I started to ponder a worrying subject. I have no idea what started me down this route, in fact I wish I did. I became obsessed with the 80s phenomenon of Noel's House Party. Strange you may think, but my story is more precise in it's complexity. It was not all of Mr's Edmonds Saturday night Entertainment that troubled me, it was the section that he called NTV. Now I know most of you youngesters out there will be staring blankly at the screen (as you tend to do most of the time, snap out of it!!) but NTV was one of the highlights of Noel's show. They would hide a camera in a member of the public's house and while they were watching the show, Noel would make the TV show themselves (it's not making much sense but trust me, it was a popular gimmick). So, to make a long story short (too late) I began thinking about the invasion of privacy such antics would involve, the human rights that had been violated, about the difficulty of hiding a tv camera inside a normal person's TV, that they'd have to dismantle the original TV, fit a camera inside and re-assemble it. Of course, I know, that other members of the household were in on the plot and so privacy had been bypassed and that the cameras were hidden in plant pots next to the tellies but still, at 5am yesterday morning, I was convinced the whole concept of NTV was a hoax, that they must have all been actors, duping the public with the promise that one day 'it might be me'. I wish I could say this was a dream, then I could look it up in a book like my good friend Liz but it was not, I was definitely awake.
 Ahhhh Saturday night in the 80s, we'd have the Tripods just after 5.00, it was a great sci-fi show about huge aliens attacking earth and turning everyone into zombies, very similar to Invasion but with better aliens. That kept the kids happy, then we'd go onto Noel Edmonds show, this would be the Late Late Breakfast show that later became Noel's House Party. Then some cheesy comedy like Allo Allo followed by Bob's Full House. A perfect night in front of the telly with BBC1. Of course, looking at it now, there was only Tripods that was any good, the rest was utter trash.
Ahhh, can't beat a bit of nostalgia for a return to blogging. I shall be back.
HairThief the odd. December 29 Post Christmas PostWell, this is only going to be a short entry. A quick update on Christmas 2005 for those that care. No pictures I'm afraid, merely lines of text for you to scan. I wonder if I could subliminately influence you in tHis blog somehow. mAybe make you thInk something that i wanted you to think. i doubt it somehow, you'Re all Too clever for tHat. anyway I hopE you all had a Fabulous chrIstmaS and that you have a Great new yeaR. 2006 sounds likE such An exciTing year, so futuristic.
As expected, this christmas delivered a range of various household gifts, useful presents and a general adult selection (adult meaning non-kiddie, not naughty). I got a DVD player, a bin that auto-opens (both which I recieved before christmas day). I got a mental challenge puzzle book with 1001 problems in it that will keep me busy during those long winter nights. I got a shaving mirror on a extendable arm, that will be good for playing with at least. I got a cookbook with loads of pictures in, very useful for me as I despise recipes, I want pictures! A vodka cookbook with recipes that involve vodka for every meal from morning till night. My brother got me an elvis pig, it sings Hound Dog (surely inappropriate for a pig?) and walks along the ground while shaking it's tail, my brother really is strange.
That, my dear friends, is everything. Of course, I'm not complaining but where's my train set, my hammock, my remote control airship and my toy scooter. Oh, I'm so materialistic, I'm ashamed. I'm happy with my presents, Christmas is not about recieving, I gave some excellent presents this year and all were received with big smiles, hurrah!
I've got Christmas part 2 on Saturday with Liz and I hope she likes the stuff I've got her. We are just going to stay in, watch a couple of Christmas films (I'm trying to convince her to watch Miracle on 34th Street but I'm not sure she'll go for it). I'll cook some snacky things, chicken wings, potato wedges, nachos, dips etc... and we'll welcome in the new year with vodka and presents :D
Hope everyone that reads this has had a wonderful time in the last couple of weeks, families can be a pain at times but generally they are decent at Christmas. Hope you are smiling at this point (not because of my blog but because you're a happy person) and I hope you have a wonderful 2006. December 22 Coldplay concert and nothing moreI need to avoid going off on tangents and rambling on like an old man at a bus stop so I'm limiting this blog to my Coldplay concert and nothing more.
We arrived in Manchester in the morning (the we being me and my lovely sister) with the aim of Christmas shopping. As we passed the Arena we asked a friendly security guard woman if we'd be able to get Coldplay autographs, this was really a coded attempt to ask to go backstage. Unfortunately this security guard hadn't read the "concert goers codebook" and just said that she didn't think they'd be signing stuff and even if they did, they'd only know 10 mins before. Nevermind, at least we'd asked.
We then went shopping, hurrah, I bought some more Christmas decorations that I really don't need and my sister insisted on buying me a mug with "I am a genius" written on it (just shows the limited circle of friends she has). Wandered around the Christmas Market and bought a few tacky bits and pieces and tried chocolate covered strawberries, I wasn't a fan.
 Then as I was wandering down the street, I saw a poster for the play "Harvey" being performed at the Royal Exchange Theatre. Now anyone that knows me, knows that Harvey is very dear to my heart. It's one of those films that I saw as a kid and has become ingrained into my soul. One day, I'll write a review as to why I love the film so much but at this point, I'll just say that my heart leap when I saw the poster. We rushed inside and I booked 2 tickets for next friday. It's difficult to explain how excited I am, a childhood memory will be brought to life in front of me and if I hadn't gone to Manchester I would never have known about it.
 We got to the Arena early to ensure we claimed the best seats and then Richard Ashcroft started his support, very impressive. He was on for about an hour and seemed to enjoy playing. Then at about 9, Coldplay began, they played a mixture of hits from X&Y and a select few from previous albums. They got Yellow out of the way early on and huge yellow balloons were dropped from the ceiling and bounced around by the audience. Chris Martin was bouncing around the stage constantly, someone in the front row had a mobile phone and he nicked that and sang into it. He kept thanking the audience and apologising for waiting nearly 3 years before coming back to Manchester.
 When playing "In My Place" he said that he wished he could meet the people at the back and then, during the instrumental, he ran at full speed down the side of the arena and up the stadium steps at the back and jumped into one of the executive boxes and finished the song from the back and then ran back to the stage, christ he can move fast! The audience sang along with Yellow, The Scientist, Everything's Not Lost & Fix You and it sounded amazing. It must be great to write a song and then hear 30,000 people singing it back to you. I managed to tape a small amount of audio on my phone and I've realised that I CANNOT sing, in my head it sounded great but played back, I'm completely out of tune but that won't stop me :D So it was a fabulous gig and I was very impressed. The motorway was closed on the way home and so didn't get home till 1am but hey, can't have everything.
 December 18 Christmas is callingSanta is on his way!
  Well, you guessed it. It's time for the standard Christmas blog. I doubt my christmas is much different to yours. Presents, films on tv, freezing cold, carols, decorations etc. OOOooo I will show you my decorations this year. I'm going for subtle and smart:
  Of course, Christmas is a time for stress and panic. Oh, I start out with good intentions of getting set presents for each member of the family but then I starting thinking that I haven't got enough and panic buy anything that looks appropriate. I have unfortunately, spent a fortune this year. I'm sending my parents away for a theatre break in London (don't anyone tell them!) and I'm sending my sister on a 'TV audience experience' (I'm fairly sure she doesn't read this). I've got Liz some great *censored* and the *censored* are really fluffy.
I've been quite surprised by work this year, we had the obligatory 'Secret Santa' where I got some Thorntons chocolate toffee, quite decent. Also, this is the advantage of working in a large company, I got a present from my manager, my team manager, my department, our company and (because our company is part of a larger one) a present from the European branch. Cool, eh? I ended up with a bottle of wine, a box of Roses, a box of chocolates from Thorntons and 5 christmasy lollies :D All free presents with no guilty that I need to buy one in return.
I'm going to have to suffer my nephews quite a lot over the christmas period, since it's a big family occasion. That's not too bad but they do like to ask questions, Clash of the Titans was on yesterday and I was quite impressed that I was teaching 4 year olds about greek mythology until they quizzed me about why Medussa wanted to turn people into stone and why people didn't like her and why the man wanted to kill her. I began to question the whole motivation of Medussa and was she shunned as a child for being 'different' (snake in the hair wise, I'm sure she was fairly unique).
 Tomorrow is Coldplay day, hurrah, spending the day in Manchester with my sister then we'll pop over to the MEN to see Chris knock out a few tunes :D, it will be the 3rd time I've seen them live this year and I know that's a little excessive but I couldn't refuse a ticket, it would have been rude.
Tuesday is then the big work Christmas do at a new nightclub in town. Free first drink, magicians, jugglers and stilt walkers. Now, I might be cynical but stilt walkers in a nightclub with hundreds of pissed office workers does not seem wise, it's far too tempting 'test' how stable they are with a bit of a wobble. However, I've worked there for a while and I'll probably see plenty of old co-workers and get pissed on the dancefloor. I'm quite a mover when I want to be, spinning in circles is my speciality. I'll try to take a camera and get some pics.
Then Christmas is only a couple of days away. I think laziness is the best plan from Wednesday, vegetate in front of the TV watching "it's a wonderful life" and "scrooged". I will admit, even though I'm quite old now, I still want a huge pile of presents to open. My parents used to fill at least 1 sack each for me and my sister and it would take ages to open everything. These days everything goes to the kids (understandably) and us adults gets a couple of presents to open, of course they are lovely presents and normally just what I want but still, the thrill of opening 30 boxes is great.
Enough for now bye bye all
HairThief the brave December 12 Blogging for youWell, so much has been going on that I really can't think of any appropriate title. Therefore, I decided to just write, not think about what to write, not to pause, not to consider what might make sense to the reader, just to write.
I've been putting off blogging for such a long time, frankly, it's because I'm awful at it. Liz and Wilber (see over to the right) and many others (you know who you are) are much better at blogging that myself. They seem to have something to say, some stories to tell. I just speak to type with nothing actually of value being added. Let me think, what do you as a reader want to know about? You want to know about me? Well, I'm sure you can glance through my photo album and get the gist of my life but that hardly tells you a lot.
  I need to include pictures (above I intend to put a lovely picture of my new lounge). I've moved into my new extension, I've got a silver branch above the fireplace that lights up. Now, I've been told it looks girly but I'm hoping you consider it to be more mature, sophisticated art. I'm so excited with my new rooms, I've been playing constantly like a 5 year old. I've got (this is not an advert for thieves) a remote control fire, a waste disposal unit, an electric reclining sofa, a touch sensitive bin, a whirlpool bath and a phone with 4 cordless extensions, all have huge manuals none of which I can be bothered to read :D Life as HairThief is great.
As you may have read in a companion blog, I spent my 2 weeks holiday from work at Liz's house. Bless her, she was ill with a bad back and a terrible cold. I slept on her sofa and while she was at work, I tidied the house, washed up and prepared tea. Then after she went to bed, I washed up from the evening meal and prepared her sandwichs for the next day. I was quite proud of myself, I must admit. Washing up is easy and generally loads of fun and my cooking skills are improving greatly. At this point, I shall remind everyone that most of the time I'm in a wheelchair and my parents tended to do everything for me. Looking after Liz gave me the opportunity to look after someone else for a while. I keep forgetting if people know that I'm in a chair on here as I've only mentioned it a couple of times and you'd have to be an avid HairThiefer to know (although the photos should be a big give away).
I went to my friend's house this weekend as he cooks an annual Christmas meal for a few of his close friends. All went very well, cooked smoked salmon for starters (although I had pate since I'm not good with salmon salady things), did a turkey from scratch, even made his own sausages with bacon wrapped round them, they called pigs in blankets I think but I don't like that name, they will always be sausages with bacon wrapped round them. For dessert he made his own homemade trifle. Unfortunately, this didn't quite go according to plan, not enough sponge and too much custard turned it into more of an unconvential soup. It had to be ladelled out to everyone in a kind of gloopy mess, however, the sponge had been thoroughly soaked in Ameretto which made up for the lack of consistancy, Hurrah!
After the meal, we played a drinking game with inflatible cones that were worn on the head, another player had to throw rings over them, doesn't sound funny but hey, at this point we were drunk enough to find the cracker jokes as wonderfully crafted pieces of humour. Then we played pictionary (I only go to refinded adult parties) and I had to draw WormWood Scrubs - I ask you, HOW! If anyone would like to draw wormwork scrubs and forward it to me, I'd be happy to post it on here but I doubt anyone would rise to the challenge. Other than that, I was a definite contender as Pictionary champion but the girls won at the final hurdle.
 Christmas shopping is turning into a mild panic, Liz's presents are done (well, the cheap crappy ones are anyway), my parent's presents are nearly done (booking them a weekend away in Jan, aren't I nice), my sister is getting a trip to New York with me :D and my brother-in-law is getting a mobile phone if Tesco's have them in stock. The one I'm dreading is my nephews, Toy-r-us is not a place I want to go but I'll bit the bullet at some point. (Mental note, buy more cheap crap online when I finish this).
That's all I want to write for now, got christmas cards to write, another stressful experience, do I write cards to everyone I know? Plus, I've set myself a tradition where I draw little pictures in my cards, a snowman, santa, reindeer, a tree etc. but it takes ages!!
Off I go, byeeee!!! |
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